TWD Editorial Roar: Lacey Von Erich Loses Her Pants; How Droll

In case you happen to have been living under a rock for the past few days, Hulk Hogan has been touring Australia with a cavalcade of notable names and recent WWE Castoffs on what he’s calling his “Hulkamania Tour.”

Now, I could go on and rant about how much it kills me to see Hogan and Flair continue to take a giant whiz all over their formerly illustrious and amazing careers, but the headliners of the tour aren’t what I want to focus on. I want to focus on an undercarder…one whose presence surprised me quite a bit from the outstart.

I’m not going to regale you with an article about Jimmy Hart; that Wrestlicious video killed what little patience I had left for his act. I’m also not going to talk about Brutus Beefcake, because he stopped being noteworthy when he changed his name to Brother Bruti and went to WCW. For the record, I will also not be talking about Mr. Kennedy because…well because I just don’t care.

Lacey Von Erich is awful. (Image Credit: Playboy Magazine)

I actually want to talk about the women’s wrestlers–or severe lack thereof–on the “Alimony-o-Mania” tour, specifically about Lacey Von Erich.

Von Erich has been in the news in one form or another since getting a call from TNA to be the new member of “The Beautiful People” and frankly, none of it has been all too good.

First, she made several disparaging remarks about Beautiful People alumnus, Angelina Love, in an interview with the Miami-Herald that seemed all too real, given that Lacey was on Twitter seemingly nanoseconds afterward making apologies. Then, she got coverage both on TWD from our own Adam Testa, and from other wrestling journalists abroad for what I can only describe as the single worst incarnation of “The Claw” I have ever seen, bar none.

However, this week in Australia, Lacey actually managed to do something she had already accomplished in TNA. She got pantsed in the ring.

The only difference was that this time, she physically had her pants pulled down instead of being pantsed metaphorically by the infinitely superior talent she’s floundering against TNA.

Yes, folks, I said it. Von Erich gets completely outclassed in the TNA ring each and every Thursday night. It would be one thing if she was getting spanked around the ring by Alissa Flash (more on her in a second) in matches, but hell, even Von Erich’s own partners manage to make her look bad.

Not that that’s their fault.

Let’s get serious here: There’s a reason Velvet Sky does all the mic work and, frankly, most of the ring work for the Beautiful People. She was legitimately being considered for the “TWD 20,” at one point looked like she might even grab a Top-15 spot, and frankly always looked like she and Angelina Love should switch places, with Sky leading and Love playing the second fiddle; Sky has the chops to be a legitimate wrestler–Lita as a fashionista if you will. On the other hand, Von Erich was in the same humorous afterthought group as Kelly Kelly, a group I’m going to playfully dub “The Keiblers.”

Cheerleader Melissa/Alissa Flash: Superior In Every Way(Image Credit: TNA)

Von Erich regularly makes herself look like a brain damaged fruit fly when attempting to wrestle, and in reality she’s a great microcosm of everything that’s wrong with TNA.

Let’s call Lacey’s hiring what it was: Employment via Name Recognition. If her last name wasn’t AdkissonVon Erich, she never would have been brought in by TNA to replace Angelina Love because without the name, TNA had no incentive to do so (or even bring her in for a tryout for that matter).

Remember Alissa Flash from earlier? She wrestles on the independent circuit under the name “Cheerleader Melissa” and she’s got more talent in her pinky than Von Erich can ever even hope to sniff, much less obtain. TNA could have just as easily had Alissa move over into the leadership slot of Beautiful People as they could have by bringing in Von Erich. Or, even better, they could have abandoned Alissa and moved in the original Cheerleader Melissa straight to Angelina Love’s spot.

Not only would it have been a smoother transition, but The Beautiful People might even be being led by somebody who I can actually buy as the leader of a group of prissy cyborg super chicks. Let’s face it, the conceited Cheerleader portrayed by Melissa/Alissa is almost the embodiment of “The Beautiful People.”

But no. Thanks to her having a specific combination of letters in her last name, we’re stuck watching Lacey: A girl so bad in the ring that it’s akin to watching Chinese water torture; so bad on the mic that I’d rather listen to Steve Urkel pumped through stadium speakers directly onto my eardrums.

Then again, what else can I expect from a wrestling company that insists on pushing guys who are (literally) old enough to be my dad over Alex Shelley?

Oh well; maybe it’s fitting that a girl who can only get work in the business because of her name came out the other night in Perth, Australia as the valet for a 60 year old legend who is desperately trying to keep his name alive.

Want to know what’s on Gabe Sapolsky’s mind? Click here for an interview he did with our own Adam Testa!

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J.A.K