WWE Friday Night SmackDown! From The UK…and Japan?

The Puro Dude had to catch a last minute plane over from Japan to cover SmackDown! tonight, and apparently all he could get last minute was Scandinavian Air. (Image Credit: Scandinavian Air/The Sky)

Whew! So I got the call – last minute no less – caught the next flight out of Narita (damn red-eyes), went straight from the Narita Airport to Toronto in 18 hours, somehow Toronto International didn’t lose my bags, and then rushed home in time to be able to recap SmackDown for you wonderful people…and you too Branko.

For those of you who avoid things you don’t know, I’m Mike Cranwell and I cover Japanese pro wrestling for TWD. I will be filling in for the esteemed Jordan Kessler this evening, and I’m not gonna lie, getting to cover the first-ever Jericho vs. Undertaker match is a pretty good gig. Plus you know, both have experience in Japan and all.

What, you didn’t know that ‘Taker fought Hakushi in FMW in 1997?

Annnnnd, onto the show.

As the music hits for CM Punk, we see that the WWE has put a traditional English phone booth onto the side of the stage. Good thing too, because about 30 minutes into the show, I usually forget which country it’s taking place in.

I do enjoy Punk harkening back to the 1600’s with the beginning of his promo. Kind of.

“Do I think I’m better than you? Absolutely.” That was awesome, and just as I was thinking “This is good, but if he had only been given bullet points to use and not had to memorize a whole speech, the personal touch that he could give it would make it great.” Punk’s ability to add the personal touch to fully-scripted promos is what separates from him the pack in the realm of promo ability.

As Punk gives a shout-out to Pea! Or Peo! when he raises his taped hand during his promo, he finishes by saying how Straight Edge could save both England, and the World. Funny, I watched some of that movie last night, it’s called Demolition Man. After awhile though I tired of Straight Edge, and turned on Glee.

After R-Truth cuts a damn good promo (please WWE, put him in MITB at WrestleMania XXVI), the match gets underway.

R-Truth vs. CM Punk

Truth decks Punk to start, pounds on him in the corner a little, and hits a leg lariat for good measure. Punk tries to make a comeback, but ends up on the floor outside the ring for his troubles. Back from the commercial, Punk backs Truth into the corner, feeds him a little, and as Truth is whipped across the ring, we find out that Matt Striker is a fan of paperwork. So in the span of 3 minutes, he’s name-dropped The Police’s Sting (as opposed to TNA’s) by his birth name, and given a backwards shout-out to himself, the former teacher.

Please come back J.R.!

Punk kicks Truth’s feet out from under him as Truth was about to fly, and instead he takes a nasty spill to the mat. Punk continues the beat down, as Striker talks about Punk’s chest hair. Really? Really? (There was my shout-out to “Really? With Seth and Amy”). Punk borrows from The Great Muta’s playbook with the bridge into the chinlock, which Muta once held for 90 seconds on Hiroshi Hase. It wasn’t enough though as R-Truth nails Punk coming off the top rope with a dropkick. Truth now with the advantage, and a couple near-falls as the match picks back up. Truth misses with the scissors kick, and Punk with a nasty, well-placed kick to the side of Truth’s knee. Punk calls for KENTA’s GTS, and…gloats, allowing Truth to slide down Punk’s back and go for a roll-up. Punk sits down on Truth, grabs the rope, and gets the three-count. So now both men have a shady win over one another. All’s fair right?

Considering the two biggest matches on this show, as well as the good opener, I guess it’s okay that we have to watch the million and twelfth lame contract signing where either the heel attacks the face because they’re a heel and it’s expected, or the face catches the heel sleeping and attacks him. Ugh either way.

To the back, as my girl Mickie James is confronted by Layla, while Michelle McTaker sneaks in through the back door of Mickie’s dressing room (too…many…jokes!). Be sure to watch out for Mickie (and perhaps McTaker and Layla?) in the upcoming TWD 20.

Yes! Nattie’s in the ring! Unfortunately you know they won’t give Mickie vs Nattie more than 4 minutes, because frig, these two could have your woman’s MOTY if they were given the chance to. By the way, looks like the wakeup call to Mickie (losing her title and being sent to SmackDown!) has worked, as she looks a few lbs. lighter (or it’s in preparation for her burgeoning country music career). Either way, let’s do this.

Mickie James vs. Natalya

Nattie gets it going early, with some embarrassing dominance over Mickie, who won’t stand for that for long, and doesn’t. Snap mare by Mickie into a low dropkick, but Nattie suckers Mickie into following her outside the ring and smokes her into the stairs. Nattie’s hair is awesome by the way. Jushin “Thunder” Liger’s surfboard by Nattie (okay, I think that move comes from Mexico, but Liger always does it), and James ends up battered in the corner. Nattie goes for the leg-pullout powerbomb from the corner, but Mickie shows great athleticism and lands on her feet instead. Nattie (who looks like a mix between Trish Stratus and Beth Phoenix) powers her back into the corner, throws a couple of knees, and I am impressed at the sheer physicality of this bout.

A charging Nattie eats a back elbow, and then Mickie’s corner hurancanrana, followed by several power moves, including a really nice lariat. Nattie isn’t having any of it though, as she comes back with a chop and a forearm. Mickie sent to the floor, where she lands on her feet and hops back onto the apron. She catches Nattie coming in with a shoulder to the breadbasket (shout-out to Robert Marella! See how easy that was Striker?) and now Mickie is climbing the turnbuckles. Nattie tries to stop her, but Mickie is determined to further ruin her already messed up knees. Lou Thesz Press off the top for a two-count, as McTaker and Layla come to the ring with a bunch of glittery stuff. And scissors. Oh this can’t be good for Mickie’s post-match plans. Also, does this mean that Nattie isn’t the designated job girl this week? Please…

A nasty lariat from behind, and my gosh, THE SHARPSHOOTER! Mickie taps out, and it’s like “the E” knew a Canadian would be writing the SD review this week! Best SmackDown! ever, as Mickie looks upset at…the loss, or the destruction of her clothing? Either way, Go Nattie!

Ray, Jason, I’ll put it here so you have proof that I said it: 4 minutes be damned. Best Mickie James match all year. Hell, for me that was “the E’s” WMOTY.

So by the looks of the Hogan DVD, they’re going to acknowledge that Hulk had faced Andre multiple times (apparently their best match ever took place in New Japan in 1982) before WrestleMania III? I haven’t heard them ever do that before, which isn’t to say they haven’t, and I’m sure someone will tell me if they did. Piper hosting RAW from MSG is going to be intense, as will the main event that night. Which…oh no. The main event tonight is gonna be a schmozz isn’t it? I guess we’ll find out soon enough.

The smarmy good guy John Morrison has his promo moment, and illustrates everything that Jason LeBlanc said during his review of Morrison in the TWD 50. Wow, Morrison’s promo is the poster boy for why these guys should only be given bullet points, It couldn’t have been more obvious that he was trying to remember everything while he talked, which took away any ability to add a personal touch to it.

Yes! Here comes Drew McIntyre! This kid is awesome, no wonder Vince (really) likes him as much as he does. Promo time for the kid? Yes, and the hours spent with Dusty Rhodes are showing. That John Morrison, is a promo. I can just see AA sitting in the back smiling, because that promo was right up Arn’s alley.

Drew McIntyre vs. Finlay

Saying that this should be physical is like saying Branco Broz is a little opinionated. Finlay feeding McIntyre the business to start, with a plethora of forearms, lariats, and corner beatings. McIntyre answers back with a Yakuza kick, and spends the next several seconds beating Finlay down outside. Back in the ring with a variation of a keylock on Finlay, who suddenly snaps out and beats McIntyre to the outside, and on the outside. But back in the ring, McIntyre mirrors Finlay’s intensity, and beats down on the Irishman. McIntyre continues the beatdown, and suddenly – this is a double DQ? That ref is lame. I guess Scott Armstrong didn’t feel like fast-counting three for anybody here. The fighting ends with McIntyre laying out Finlay with his own shillelagh, before leaving…and then coming back, which he tends to do eh?

Finlay eats another shot from the Irish stick, and I gotta tell you, I am a huge fan of Drew McIntyre. What I’m not so much a fan of is contract signings, and we’ve got one coming up next. Why are they showing Finlay in the ring? What’s up here…ooh, potentially an injury angle. I would imagine they’re doing this to build up McIntyre and further the feud, I can’t see Finlay being done as an active wrestler. What works for Sheamus must work for Drew I imagine.

Onto the *yawn* contract signing. Since when does a non-World Title bout get a contract signing anyway? After Rey Jr. signs the contract, Batista breaks out another contract.  I listened to it multiple times, and for the life of me, have no idea what he said. It sounded like a “Hold Hommus” agreement. Or maybe Hummus. Either way, it allows Batista to utterly decimate Rey, and no one can sue him for it. Yes, because that is the logical evolution of a now-ended friendship – Best friends, to “You cost me the title,” to “I’m going to take you to within an inch of your life.” Ya, the same guys who on-screen leaned on each other in the wake of Eddy Guerrero’s death, and now one is basically threatening the other with something almost as severe? PS:  Your writing usually isn’t this brutal and for the record, that is the real spelling of Guerrero’s first name. I always hated the pointless change the WWE made.

When Rey refuses to sign it, Batista actually goes all the way, and threatens to kill Rey Jr. It’s a shame the WWE doesn’t have long-term memory on how they book things, because this is asinine and one could even say disrespectful to the memory of Eddy. This is a business where people really do die far too young, so to ever cross that line in a scripted promo? It’s unnecessary.

Anyway, Batista’s backwater reverse psychology works, and Rey signs whatever that document is called. Rey then tells Batista that he’s gonna be embarrassed, throws the table over on Batista, walks over it and Batista, and leaves the ring, power-walking up the ramp, not looking back until he’s at the top of it, in time to witness Batista power bomb a chair who was in the wrong place at the wrong time. Great ending to a reprehensible segment. Thankfully, Morrison vs. Zigger is up next.

We see footage of Ziggler’s recent countout victory over Morrison, and suddenly, I’m hoping that Maria joins with Morrison and costs Ziggler his shot tonight.

Dolph Ziggler vs. John Morrison
WWE Intercontinental Championship

The match begins, with Morrison showing off some athleticism, and Mr. Ziggles showing off a vicious streak. Then, we have an obvious dub-over featuring Striker throwing it to commercial. I have never heard a dub that obvious in all my years of watching SmackDown!.

Back to the match, and what in the blue hell was that? Ziggler with a really pathetic version of Bryan Danielson’s “Cattle Mutilation,” before floating over into a waistlock. I sincerely hope that wasn’t done to send a message to Danielson that his amazing submission finisher (it’s almost as good as the Sharpshooter!) is nothing more than a transition hold. Ohh that’s upsetting.

Typical trading of back-and-forth moves between these two – if you’ve seen them work twice, you know what you missed.

Wow, that was not a Pele kick. Not even close. Devitt and Styles are mad at you Todd Grisham, and frankly so is Joey Styles. Morrison and Ziggler standing on the second turnbuckle on either side of the turnbuckles, and both come crashing to the outside. It didn’t even look good, terribly contrived really – like a John Morrison interview….and that’s it? Lame double-countout.

Beth Phoenix coming to the ring to destroy “The British Commonwealth Champion” Lisa Taylor. Let’s Google that shall we?

Matt Striker, Google is calling you a liar.

Beth Phoenix vs. “Lisa Taylor”

Back to the match, which I’m sure will be highly competitive. Beth with a reverse boringlock into some nasty forearms to the face, and you could hear the smashing of Beth’s forearms as they cracked Taylor in the nose, and cheek, and forehead. Beth hits The Rock’s original WWF finisher, then a running powerslam into the corner and Taylor is in the Tree of Woe. A vicious neckbreaker out of the TOW, and Phoenix with the Glam Slam, and she lost less than a minute-thirty from her life in decimating what’s-her-face.

What a way to earn a paycheck, eh Lisa Taylor?

An awesome short promo by Jericho which should be the poster child for why these guys should all get bullet points. Jericho says what I’m sure many wrestlers have wanted to say over the years but weren’t allowed to – The Undertaker is not dead, he’s alive. Jericho also correctly pointed out that ‘Taker is not really a magic man…because we all know there’s only one person who can rightfully be called The Magic Man.

I’ll tell you what, for those of you who didn’t watch SmackDown! this week, the moment where Undertaker is standing in the center of the ring, looking down to the outside where Jericho stands, that was one of the few TV moments every year that felt like it was straight out of WrestleMania. For the record, I was – and still am – hoping that Jericho will be ‘Taker’s WM opponent this coming year.

We’ve got about 15 minute left in the show, and ‘Taker’s matches don’t tend to go past 11 minutes since his return, so we should be in for something good, even if and when the inevitable DX/Cena/Show appearances happen.

Striker’s “In the Twilight of a New Moon…” comment was easily the dumbest thing he said all night, which in itself is saying something.

The Undertaker vs. Chris Jericho

Thank goodness Jericho threw ‘Taker off the top rope when he went for Old School. Part of Jericho’s character is that he can avoid signature non-finishing moves, so I was intrigued to see if he’d avoid that one too.

Okay either “the E” is re-writing history, or they let a massive Striker flub slip by. Who said something about continuity and history in the world of pro wrestling?  Oh yeah, it was Mike’s “Rules for Radicals” piece from right here on TWD.  Anyway…Striker saying that Jericho beating Austin and Rock in the same night (a point droned on about ad nauseum since Jericho’s return) was a triple threat? Oh it absolutely was not!

This is not the type of match that should be read about. It should be watched.  So if you missed SD! this week, hit Veoh or another perfectly legal site and watch this in full.

Jericho hit a dropkick that Billy Gunn/Kip James would be very proud of, and while the match didn’t break 10 minutes (including a bad spot to go to commercial), we got a really good match that showed tons of potential to be amazing on a stage such as WrestleMania.

A little BS in the ring now, and the double-team is on. A Walls of Jericho/Camel Clutch (variation) by JeriShow, but before they can snap the Dead Man in half, Kane of all people comes down seemingly to save The Undertaker. Show retreats, but Jericho doesn’t, and eats a boot for stupidly staying in the ring.

Vince McMahon is backstage with a British flag over his left shoulder, a coffee cup in his hand, and a phone call that just happens to be coming in as SmackDown! is about to leave the air. Perhaps Hulk Hogan is really coming back to the WWE and he’s going to announce it now?

Haha, it would seem that the Brothers of Destruction are reuniting, at least for one night, next week facing JeriShow on SmackDown!. Oh, and Teddy Long is still on probation. Good to know Vince, good to know.

Does anyone have a reference point for Grisham’s remark about ‘Taker saying that one of the few things that brings joy to his dark heart is teaming up with his brother Kane, because that sounded like a b/s comment fed to him to say that never actually happened. It’s not in ‘Taker’s character, but if someone knows, post it at the bottom.

Overall, the in-ring product that SmackDown! continues to showcase is second-to-none compared to the WWE’s other wrestling shows. Mickie and Nattie had the Women’s Match of the Year tonight, Truth vs. Punk was a quality opener, McIntyre vs. Finlay was a potentially great strong-style bout that got cut short but was still good. Morrison vs. Ziggler was fine for what it was, Beth vs. Taylor was a fun squash harkening back to the days of Wrestling Challenge, and Jericho vs. Undertaker was very good, and illustrated Jericho’s mastery as he made sure that the viewer couldn’t tell they had little-to-no in-ring experience (read: chemisty) vs. one another.

On the other hand, Batista’s (scripted) comments in the contract signing were abominable. If you don’t like me saying that, stale cookies to you, because this is a predetermined industry where young people die for real, and certain things are touchy with many fans. This is one of them, and telling someone you’re going to snap their neck is not only touching a nerve, but frankly it’s “cheap heat” and shows a lack of ability by whoever wrote the script for this to write something compelling. Anyone can say they’re gonna snap someone’s neck, next time WWE, try saying something clever.

See, this is what happens when you fly a guy over from Japan to cover great matches and stupid writing.

Get well and come back soon J.R.!

I hope you enjoyed my one-time sojourn into the world of Friday nights. I’m heading back to the airport though, gotta watch the big matches from New Japan’s 11/8 “Destruction ‘09” show with a potential MOTYC on it. And who knows, maybe I’ll even talk to a Japanese wrestler before I leave Toronto.

The TWD 50 is officially off and running!  Get updates on the rest of “The 50″, the upcoming “TWD 20” for women’s wrestling, and all the other great content on The Wrestling Daily by joining the Facebook group and by following us on Twitter!